you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
