Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
