she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
