"it" just moved
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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