Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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