im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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