just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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