I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
