shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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