I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
