Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
