No more Irish car bombs ever.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
