if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
