Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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