you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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