dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
