Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
