And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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