I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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