Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
