I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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