I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
