I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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