Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
