And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Found the puke drawer
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
