ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
