Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
