i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
