He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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