I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
