she was so not down for the gang bang
You smell like a Billy Joel song
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize