I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
