is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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