Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
