I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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