I want to make a zoo with you.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
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his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
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Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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