No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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