Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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