Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
3 2 1 whiskey
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
