i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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