I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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