I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
