she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
