So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
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You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
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So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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