I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
