I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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