Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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