please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Everyone says I win the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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