I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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