dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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