So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
