If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
