Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
