Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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