NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
