just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
