and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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