Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
