I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
