If i come over, it means nothing
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
