I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
