My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Randomize
