Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just send me my own nude
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So here I am, sexting at work.
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