i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
