that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
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You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
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Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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