so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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