I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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