That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I had to cum in my sink.
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