I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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