I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
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Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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